The movie of our lives

I will often find moments where I wish for just an instant that I could pause and rewind events. The girls are growing so quickly and while I love to see them grow and change I miss and forget some of those simple moments that frozen in time mean so much.
I miss some of those wonderful nights rocking and feeding each new beautiful little miracle. Their tiny fingers curled around mine. Their little eyes gazing up to view my motherly face. Their tiny lips sucking precious milk produced by my body to sustain their life. I miss those first wobbly steps taken on an array of surfaces. All those subtle firsts that slipped quickly by like touching grass and smelling flowers. All those moments of watching my babies be held in the strong, loving arms of their father shortly after they took their first breaths. Life is like a movie that you only ever get to view one time. Sometimes you miss important parts but it is always important to focus on each moment and each scene before it passes by.
We have had a beautiful September full of firsts. I have loved taking a step back and breathing in the amazing blessing of my children and family. Here are some pictures that I know I will reflect back on and remember fondly in the years to come.

Can a mommy mess up faith?

I'm sure that I can and will mess up the faith my children have, can have or should have in some way.
I am not sure how to do this Christian mommy thing the right way. I know in my head that God is in control and he is going to make good the things that I screw up but I would like to do Faith well.
It is important to me that our girls come to form their own, real relationships with God. I do not want our kids to believe because we taught them to or we wanted them to or because they think it is the right thing to do. I want their hearts to long for God in a way that they cannot deny his very presence. I want them to have a desire to pray not because they are supposed to but because they want to draw closer to God. I want our kids to love and give back because their hearts long to care for the poor, sick and broken just as Jesus did. I want our children to know that being a Christian does not mean you are perfect or that everything in your life will be perfect. I want them to know that even when it seems like they are alone there is someone who loves them right where they are and is holding them tightly to his chest. I want our little girls to know that from the day they were born till they day they leave this earth no matter what they do or don't do that they are loved and accepted and forgiven. That they are enough just because they are. I want them to have a faith that springs forth from the depth of their heart and soul, not one that has been dictated to their heart and soul. I want our children to love the lost because they are lost and loved. We all are. I want them to pray at meals because quite frankly we are blessed by God to have them. I want them to go through their days, both good and bad turning all their worries, cares and affection toward the one who authored it all. I want them to know that if I can love them so much it hurts then I cannot even begin to fathom the depth of Gods love for them. I want them to stray from the crooked path but if life leads them there then I want them to know that there is no condemnation. No matter where they find themselves I want their heart to whisper the truth of Gods love and desire for them.
Since I am doomed to screw it up I can only pray and know that God will work out all things to his glory.

First day

Today at six years, three months and three days old Mckinna spent her first full day at school. She was so excited, nervous but excited. One of the strongest parts of Mckinnas personality is her ability to look forward to all things new. She has been looking forward to this day for a long time and I think that it was all that he had hoped for.
Anthony dropped her off this morning as he did when he started kindergarten. First days are bitter sweet for him. It hurts him to see them growing up so fast but I also know that he is proud to see them grow and change and take on new challenges.
I spent most of my day missing her and I turned that ache into prayer. Every time I would feel my mother heart yearn to have her here close to me I would pray. It is my hope that my children are able to be a positive example of love and compassion to those around them. I pray that they will be able to love like Jesus and win hearts, minds and souls. I pray that they will be strong, faithful and courageous. Above all I pray that shame, defeat and guilt will not hold them down but if they come will be stepping stones to take them to new heights in faith and love (although I would prefer that they never come.)
I am not sad at moments like these. I am all to aware that there are many people who for various reasons will never get to experience moments like these. I count it a blessing to be able to see my first blessed baby girl grow to become a spunky, energetic first grader. I have been blessed to watch her grow, change and bloom. This is not a privilege that I take lightly. Thank-you God.
This day has made me even more aware of just how precious this short time is. Throughout the day I found myself reflecting more on the moments that will soon quickly pass. Before long I will once again be alone in the shower. It will be hot, I will actually have time to use soap and water will not be pooling around my ankles for the shower bath. Before long days and perhaps weeks will go by without me hearing anyone cry out for mom. Things will no longer be sticky or broken and perhaps my house will stay clean for at least a little longer. Mostly I will miss the amazing ability my children have to LOVe and live with no boundaries, worries or cares. I will miss their simple requests for one more kiss. Their fighting for who will get to sit in my lap for the story. I will wish once more for someone to ask me to sleep with them. One day, not long from now, no one will hold my hand, or at least without a lot of coaxing. I know that these amazing, beautiful, spirited gifts from God will not be little for long and I need to drink that in. I need to caress their perfect skin and pour out as much love on them as I possibly can.
Six years has flown by and I know that time will unfortunately not move any slower.
I love you my little blessings and I am so proud to just be your mother. I have been proud of you all since I bore you into this world. Before you could talk, walk or read I thought that you all were amazing. I pray that you will know everyday that you are loved simply because you are perfect just the way God created you.